Okay…maybe quitting is a bit of an exaggeration.
But, sometimes there are days (like today) in this lifestyle where I just want to give up. Quit. Be done.
Behind the scenes, behind the good days, behind the reasons we homestead– there comes a time when I just want to give up. There are many sleepless nights where all the thoughts that make me want to quit won’t leave my head. These thoughts lead to various scenarios and what-if’s.
See, in this type of lifestyle you have to deal with so many things like the loss of animals, time constraints, and more importantly budget limitations. Budget and time being the main thoughts in that very busy head of mine, while I lay there in the dark at night.
There’s is nothing like the loss of an animal on the farm. You have to deal with the death first-hand-then explain it to the kids who are heartbroken, while being heartbroken yourself. You can always buy a new animal, but that one that dies can never really be replaced.
You have to give up on a project because there isn’t enough money to complete it. It ended up costing you more than you thought and there is nothing left to finish it at this point.
Budget and time rear their ugly heads much to often around here. Much more than I would like. Why? Because we don’t have a big budget, y’all. Nor do we ever have a lot of time.
There. I said it.
I often wonder how other homesteads are funded because I know they are super expensive to have/run. I often find myself jealous of what other homesteaders/farmers have, and I have to remember that we are all different, have varying budgets, and things take time. I often wonder how some people ‘get it all done’ when there are some days that I can’t even get one thing done.
Yet- we are starting a farm. A real one. Our goal is to provide quality, non-GMO foods to our local community. However, it can be very discouraging when you have a small budget. Business licenses have to be bought. Equipment purchased. Animals cost money too.
But, it is very important to us that we provide our local community food that isn’t toxic. We want to be able to accept EBT cards here on the farm so everyone has access to non-toxic food. Everyone.
Our family has cut corners everywhere that we could to save money: from making our own toothpaste, to laundry detergent. We have turned to using essential oils since health insurance costs so much. We grow our own food and raise our own meat which totally saves from buying at the grocery store. But, since we just moved we don’t have our garden set up yet.
We don’t even have a space plowed and tilled and ready for hay (we’ve decided to use mulch gardening this year) for our garden. We don’t even know where to get the hay from. Our seedlings are yet to be planted. Our hoop house remains in shambles- not yet put together. And we just ate our last piece of meat from the 1/2 of a grass-fed cow we bought last June. We currently have three pastured chickens left in the freezer, so we are on the hunt for some local meat around these parts until ours are ready to be processed.
Oh wait, we still haven’t even bought our new animals yet. Yep- we still need a pregnant goat (for milk) since a cow isn’t in the budget right now like I had hoped. Nanette Lorraine has to drink raw milk. She can’t drink “regular” milk from the store because she is allergic to it. When she drinks raw milk her allergies are nonexistent, yet it is illegal here in Virginia.
Rabbits and pigs need to be bought. Chicken tractors and an egg-mobile need to be built so we can provide this food to ourselves and our wonderful community.
We were supposed to buy a tractor last month but had to put it off because the electric fencing costs us double what we thought it would. Gotta keep those animals in, ya know?
This year we will have to try to till the garden ourselves using a very tiny tiller because we had to cut the tractor out of our budget for now.
Time.
I often wonder where it will come from.
Farming for income, homesteading, making everything from scratch, growing, processing, and living. Those things take time. Not to mention we just moved. Well- January 31st, but I swear that was just yesterday. Boxes still aren’t even unpacked because we are trying to get the farm ready. Installing fence posts, electric fencing, gates, etc is complicated. Something I’ve never done. And we don’t have help. It’s just the five of us: Beau, me, and the three kids.
So, here it is. Laid out for y’all. The truth. The truth behind the scenes of our homestead. The reality of homesteading and farming. The thoughts that run through my head at night while trying to go to sleep. All I can do is pray and ask for guidance, in which I do. Every. Single. Night.
I know once a lot of these expenses are completed they won’t ever be expenses again (like electric fencing). But, I’m a worrier. A constant one.
I’m not asking for hand-outs. I’m surely not asking for sympathy. I just want you to know that it isn’t as easy as it looks. It isn’t as perfect as some homesteaders like to make it look.
It’s rough.
It’s tough.
It has it’s limitations- varying for each homesteading household.
Ours just happen to be time and budget.
But, we won’t quit. We won’t be giving up. Ever. We will pray. We will continue to come up with unique ideas to save money. It is extremely important to us to provide our kids, ourselves, and our community with non-toxic food. It’s important for us to provide our family and community with a choice.
Please don’t get me wrong, the good days far outweigh the bad, but it’s sleepless nights like last night that leads to days like this. It’s the 1,000 empty heavy thoughts running through my mind while trying to go to sleep to have the morning’s sun shining on my face. It’s my eagerness to help my community and to help my family.
So, tonight when I lay my head on my pillow, I will try to get some rest. To know that it will all work out. To know that I am right here- in the life I am supposed to be in.
Amen.
I totally hear you! I have been on our property for 25 years and have looked at condos in the South Pacific at least once a month (more often in the Spring when everything seems to happen at once). It isn’t this romantic notion that a tractor and fencing and the perfect soil occur at the snap of the finger. On really hard days (after I have priced real estate in Fiji) I sit back and take it one step at a time, sometimes stepping backwards. Keep your chin up and forward ho.
Yes. Sometimes it is rough. I am glad that you aren;t going to Fiji and you are keepin’ on too!
Heads up dear 🙂 I’m a female one armed veteran on a pension with 5 acres a house all the animals and a 1958 tractor. If I can do this alone you can do it with a family to help you. God bless
Boy do I feel you on this one. So many days you just wonder if you are ever going to get to take the next step that you’ve had planned for so long. You cut your budget till it bleeds and still it isn’t enough. You cut some more until there is literally nothing left to cut. You even cut into the necessities sometimes. And still it isn’t enough. And then you invest as much of your time as you can. And then the time runs out. And just when you finally think you’ve made a solid step forward, something happens and you are back at square one. Somedays you just hang your head and walk away from what you are trying to do. Find something else to work on and keep putting one foot in front of the other. But when you know it’s right for you and your family, you find the strength to keep pushing forward. And then one day you look back and you realize that while you were struggling and fighting, you missed that there are things that did get accomplished and you get a burst of strength to push forward a little more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think all of us who homestead can relate, and it’s great for those who can’t to hear it before they start.
Yes! That is exactly what it feels like Brandon. Sometimes I lay awake and nght and wonder if those steps will ever be taken. But, I have to remind myself that things take time. Growth takes time. 🙂
I can’t believe how honest and forthwith you were about your homestead situation. It is welcomed – due to the fact that so many others have “glossed over” or “sweetened” their situations. There are many perfect homesteads – and those that make it seem “easy” are those who have working and money making husbands, those setting up a homestead to simply keep their family going (not the community around them), those that have been established longer than you, those who have “investors” in their family, of money and equipment – you are doing the best you can. And I’m shocked that its only been since January that you’ve been there, struggling to be as “set up” as some who write their blogs and have been settled for years. It takes awhile – you will get your tractor, you will get what you need to keep your family going while you help your community – but it might not be this year so don’t knock yourselves for it. Simply take each day and each stumble as a teaching one – if you don’t stumble, you can’t learn how to work out of it.
Thank you for your words of encouragement Patricia! They mean a lot. 🙂
I am there with you. Dreaming of homesteading on an actual farm is a goal I have. I sometimes get hung up on the how and with what money questions. Especially even after said homestead is purchased. The work and expense just goes from there. Same problems here at my urban homestead. Time and money. Just do the best you can do with what you have! It will all be OK!
The following verse gives me great peace when the hard times come as they do so often!! Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6
What a beautiful promise to us tired farmers! 🙂 Your honesty to speak about your struggles is so refreshing!
On the flip side of this coin, you have me. A 40 year old American living in The Netherlands desperately learning tiny skills along the way, cutting back like crazy and making everything myself in order to save enough to come back home so that I can struggle again to do what you are doing! lol It’s hard all around sometimes and I appreciate so much that you lay it all out there. Anyone who thinks that starting a farm on any level is all about the fuzzy cute animals and lazy days are nuts. Money and time doesn’t go as far as it used to and even when you make everything yourself and save where you can, it simply isn’t enough sometimes. I lay awake all the time wondering if I am ever going to be able to make it back home again. The money we save is quickly eaten up by home repairs that you need to keep up on in order to sell in the future and not one has been cheap.
Don’t you dare give up because we need people like you. I need someone like you to purchase my meat from and vegetables that I didn’t grow myself and I need people like you to invest my time and money in so that we both can eat safe and healthy food. So thank you..thank you for all the hard work and sleepless nights you put into it. Thank you!!
Thanks so much Sonya. Seriously. You just said what I needed to hear after a refreshing night’s sleep! You will make it home!
Hi Jen,
As far as the time issue, I’m sure you could use some help! So if you have space in your new home to allow it (or even a tent camping site), why not look into being a host farm in the WWOOF organization? Hoping you’ve heard of them, but if not, they are essentially a network of host farms and people wanting to volunteer on farms for the learning experience. No money changes hands, you just provide room and board and you get a 3/4 time farm worker in exchange. Check out their website here: https://wwoofusa.org/
Good luck and praying things improve for you. Remember, baby steps!
~April
I so appreciate your honesty here. As a “newbie” to the homestead life, I hear ya about not having enough time or money to get everything done. We basically have our next 5 years planned out (but really, plans change all the time) to get where we want with everything. With both of us working full time, our neighbours have asked… “How are you going to do everything?”… And our answer was “that’s what evenings and weekends are for!”. It’s perseverance. At the end of the day, take solace in knowing that you’re following your passions. Not many people even know what their passions are, let alone take action to pursue them, because the reality is it can be a lot of work. Going after dreams is a powerful thing…! Be well.
Thank you for making it real!! We are 3 years into our homestead journey, moved our farm from NC to KY in late July last year, from a rental to our own. We are up to our eyeballs in everything right now. Some days I just want to sell off all the animals and run for the hills, but most days I remember how much this means to our family. Virginia isn’t very far from us, might I be able to help you out with a pregnant doe? I have many milk goats( Alpines and Nubians), CAE CL Johnees free herd and I’d be happy to help a fellow homesteader out with a great deal 🙂 Heck, you could choose a doe and her mate and I’ll breed her for you if she isn’t already bred 🙂 That is, after all, why we homestead, to help others have access to safe healthy food!!
You are so sweet! Thank you so much. I wish i could take you up on that offer but KY is too far. Seriously though, thank you!!
I know that feeling well. We have bottle goats that are giving me a difficult time with feeding. It’s getting frustrating! I hope things get better for you, there’s a lot of highs and lows in homesteading.
Right there with ya! There are so many ideas out there, and so little budget to do them. We lost 6 goats in the last year, due to various unavoidable problems, and I was ready to be done. And yes, VA is crazy stupid on the raw milk laws. We’re in Henry County VA, right on the VA/NC line, and I have people that would love to buy milk from our goats. If I can ever get my herd built up, I’d love to start a herd share program, since that’s the only way to legally sell it. (If you want to email me, I may know someone in your area that could help you out with the milk situation temporarily!)
We are right on the NC/VA line too! I will be emailing you and I am so sorry for the loss of your goats. We must not quit and keep going!
Bravo! Love this post. You’re absolutely right, it’s a struggle, indeed. But following your dreams often is a struggle. But the struggles, the heartache, the disappointments, they’ll all be worth it one day. Because you WILL attain your dream as long as you keep trudging forward. Trudging through the financial woes and stick animals. Trudging through failed fences and drought. Trudging through plans gone right and plans gone wrong. Keep trudging, you will win. (hugs)
~Taylor-Made Ranch~
Texas
It can be done. It takes time. I moved onto a small farm a year ago and it takes a lot of time to get things functioning, especially when you’re old and retired. Thankfully I do not have to live off of the land right now. Think of the real homesteaders that settled hostile lands in the late 1700 early 1800’s. They had to be some dedicated people, my great great grandparents included. And yet it is being done all over the country daily. Check out this guy and what he has done on 1/10 of an acre!!!! IT CAN BE DONE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NCmTJkZy0rM
Hugs to you! I’m only about 2 1/2 years into this journey (and closer to one year full-time.) It’s a challenge, since I don’t know that much about what I’m doing. Yet, l’ve learned a lot. I can put up vegetables I grew. Working in the heat (or even just a lot of up and down, planting by hand) causes me issues with migraines, but I’m determined to make it work. I’m getting better at working with the chickens and helping them to not kill each other. This was such a great post! Thank you for sharing. Maybe I’m not as behind as I thought!
I think we are all way ahead of what we think we are! I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing (lol) but it’s worth it! You keep at it and we will too! It’s fulfilling and well worth it!
Excellent write up!! This hit home, as my wife and I are trying to do the same thing. We bought our homestead saying “this place will work for us and we’ll work for it.” We’re just getting set up and hooo boy is it tough and expensive. I build my fences in stages just to afford them, reclaim every 4×4/2×4/etc to keep outbuilding construction feasible. One day it’ll all get done. My biggest lesson is keeping my patience and I’m struggling with that one. I want my supplies NOW!!!!, not tomorrow. A Lil bit of my paychecks (50 hr week job too) each week goes for supplies or feed and I’ve come to terms with it coming slow. As stressful as it all is, looking at it all first thing in the morning and knowing WE are doing it makes it all worth it. Thanks Jen
You sound like my my husband and I dwarfed into one. He is the one that is out reclaiming cedar wood trees for posts and I’m like “let’s just order them to get it done!” But, I am slowly learning that all comes in due time. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will our farm! He is thinking about going back to work full-time for a coupe years so we can have everything we need for him to really come home without struggling. It’s a toss-up. But, yes, it is all worth it when we are done doing morning chores and we feel fulfilled!
BEEN THERE! So many times it seems. There’s been quite a few times in just the first year of homesteading that we’ve been ready to throw in the towel. We’ve had to stop, take a step back, and change routes a few times, but we’ll still keep pushing on the homesteading path. You are most certainly not alone in this.
Glad to know I am not the only one who has these feelings from time-to time. Homesteading is hard but we do what homesteaders do…persevere.
Hi Jen, I’ve been there, done that and am still doing it after 40+ years, although now it’s on an urban homestead rather than country acreage. It can be discouraging at times no matter where you are or what size budget you’ve got to work with. I too pray for my body to be strong enough to continue to keep up with the demands and for wisdom in prioritization and how to proceed. But, through it all, I know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing what I should be doing and loving it all. God is faithful! You are an inspiration to newbies and seasoned homestead veterans alike. Just keep doing what you can with what you have. It will be enough.
Thanks for your kind words and inspiration Karen.
Just started year 5, and totally understand the “i want to quit” sentiment. My hubby works outside the farm and is also on the road a lot for his job, sometimes more than half of the year. What ive found is that a weekly trip to our local library has been just what i needed- ive made some of my best friends, found kindred homesteaders, and lots of other people that have become a support system of sorts that help me remember just why were doing this And – get me through the tough days. Ive even found a few temp part time winter jobs to help sooth the budget. My best other advice…a wheel hoe!!! Cultivator rake thingys on the back help loosen soil, and the plow sets make perfect rows, no big man and tiller needed. Mine is a double wheel vintage acme now painted teal blue but hoss is a comparable alternative. Also mark out a few rectangle beds each year to build up towards no till beds. Put down thick cardboard, then compost manure, veggie scraps, egg shells, groady hay, etc..throughout the year. The next spring you will have an awesome no till area. Rinse and repeat. 🙂 and eventually you,will have a no till kitchen garden and the same thing can be applied to your market garden but with no till rows that just need to be lifted with a double handed broad fork before planting. Good luck, hardest job you will ever love!!!!
Totally looking into that information! Thank you. 🙂
Dont forget to save feed sacks. The paper ones can be used in garden as your base layer and the plastic’ish ones can be made into two small market totes or one large grocery bag to sell with your veggies at market. I sell the small ones for 2 and the large for 5. Or i can embellish the large ones, and add nylon webbing (think .25cent belts from goodwill) as straps and sell them as purses for 15. 😉 the adventure continues!!! Oh and to cut your feed bill in half…dollar store trays, and barley equals fodder. My shelf lives in guest bath tub, easy to rinse etc..takes five minutes a day. Each 9×13 tray feeds up to 60 pounds of animal, and if you sprinkle 1/8 cup oatmeal on top up to 80 pounds. Yup awesome stuff. 🙂
Prayer is the best place to start and remain. We have been working on our place for 9 years and still have days that makes me wonder why I left the city and city job behind. But on those good days………. The wonder of it all! Hang in there, I’ll keep you and yours in my prayers, love following your post about a young family creating a new beginning. Blessings!
We are trying our best to homestead and we don’t even have a farm! ours is just a normal house in a village in England with a decent sized garden that we are trying to make work for us, and be self sufficient as possible and that is hard enough, i can’t imagine how hard it is for you guys, but i am proud of you for going for it and living your dream 🙂
Also, i love that you don’t make it all out to be sunshine and roses, you’re keeping it real 🙂
I realize this post is fairly dated now but I wanted to comment anyway. I’m a single, homesteading, homeschooling mom to six. I *love* our life. I love the pantry full of canned foods we produced ourselves. I love that my children are learning responsibility and hard work. I love the sweet animals we care for every day. I love handing my child a warm, home baked biscuit slathered in our award winning blueberry lavender jam.
I love it. But there are days I also want to throw my hands up, go get a “normal” job and quit. The days I’m stressed because our house is NEVER as clean as I would like it to be. The days when nothing goes as planned (like yesterday). The days the neighbor calls to tell me our goats are in his yard and I am unexpectedly mending fences and chasing cute little bleating demons. The days when it’s so cold or I’m so tired and there’s nobody there to give me a day off.
Those days suck. But I’ve learned a little motto that I chant to myself on those days and it pulls me through. “This is just a bad day. It is not a bad life.” I repeat that as often as I need on those days until my heart is reminded how true it is. Then I get a good night’s sleep, pick myself up and try again the next day.
I know I’m two years late on reading this blog post but sure hope things have turned around. We homestead in oklahoma with our three kids and it is super tough. The kind that brings you to your knees in prayer. I think sometimes that is where God needs us to be at points in our lives. We personally own four headlamps that are on constant rotation because sometimes our only “free time” to get things done outside is when the munchkins are in bed. I hear ya sister and pray that you have success!!
On the bright side- awesome blog!
An interesting discussion is worth comment. I do believe that you ought to
write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo matter but usually
folks don’t talk about such issues. To the next!
Many thanks!!