I love my husband with all of my heart and soul. With every single breath that my body breathes. My love for this man is deeper than any love that I have ever known. I love him so much that it hurts sometimes- in a good way.
I am so proud of him. I am so proud that he grew up in a way–less-than-perfect home, but is the most amazing husband and father a woman could ask for. He aims to please me every. single. day. Yet- I tend to forget that some days.
He calls me every day on his lunch break. He kisses me goodbye every single day. He kisses me hello every time he gets home. He tells me he loves me all the time. He loves me when he comes home to me looking like a train wreck every single day- in dirty clothes that don’t match, covered in poop from animals or kids, never wearing an ounce of makeup, never even looking presentable– yet he still loves me. And there I am constantly complaining about something- yet when he wants his turn to complain to me about work, I sometimes get annoyed.
I’m the one that wanted to move from FL to SC. I’m the one that wanted the farm we are slowly building. I am the one that wanted to radically change our lifestyle in terms of living and eating. I am the one that had (and still has) these ‘crazy’ ideas and you know what? He goes right along with them. Never complaining- just pleasing.
He spent days-hours-months- planning our hoop house, working alone out there building it- for me. He is the one that maintains most of it- for me. He has spent countless hours building anything and everything that I want- for me. He never tells me no- to anything. He says I know best and he trusts me when one day I up and decide to throw away every single personal product in our home AND decided to make our own because of all the toxins in everything. He never disagreed when I threw every. single. over-the-counter medication into the trash and bought essential oils. He just never says no. Yet- I sometimes take him for granted.
I know that I can’t live without him. I just can’t. I don’t think it’s possible. But, I am a realist. I know that one day one of us will have to live without the other. That breaks my heart. I am crying just writing this- thinking how much pain one of us will be in when that day comes. I know this will be a fact of life one day- and it could be one day soon.
None of us knows what day God will call us home. It could be today, tomorrow, or in 50 years. I know how short life can be after losing my mom to cancer two years ago. She was 50. 50 years old- and left behind a loving husband, loving sister, 5 girls, and a son. Gone- just like that.
My mom and I used to talk AT LEAST 5 times a day. Sometimes we would talk about important stuff. Sometimes we would talk about nothing. But, we would talk. I always just knew that my mom would be there- whenever I needed her-just a phone call away, right? Nope. Wrong.
Yet- in this busy busy life, in this fast-paced world we live in, I sometimes take him for granted. I don’t want to. But sometimes I do. I just do.
I find myself bursting with sadness every time he has to leave for work. I feel sad every time the weekend is over and I know we (the kids and I) won’t see him for at least nine hours a day- for an entire week. Yet, when he comes home I find myself being annoyed with anything he has to say. Some days I feel as if we run an assembly line in our home- daddy comes home-mom makes dinner-family eats-mom or dad cleans up dinner-someone bathes the kids-get kids ready for bed-nightly routine-dad closes hoop house and puts animals away outside-we get ready for bed- kiss each other good night-then sleep. Then it repeats the next day.
And yes, you read that right. My husband is the best man that I know. After working all day he has never once come home and sat on the couch. He immediately kisses me when he gets home then takes over playing with the kids. He helps me clean up dinner or bathes the kids. He does the nightly outside chores every. single. night. Yet, I still find myself taking him for granted. Being annoyed with what he has to say- or annoyed when he is complaining about work. I feel so selfish. I pray.
I pray to God thanking him for the health of my family, for our daily food, for my husband’s job. Then I pray for me. I pray asking for help to stop taking my husband for granted. For being annoyed for no reason. For not appreciating that day God gave us together. I pray.
Now don’t get me wrong…I am THAT wife that does everything for my husband- because I WANT to. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day. I compliment him every single day- more than once. I tell him often how much I appreciate what he does. I make sure he has clean clothes, underwear, and socks for work. I CHOOSE to do all of this for him because I love him- with all of my heart and soul. Yet- I have days where I take him for granted. Where I am annoyed at anything he says.
But NOT today.
Today I am going to stop taking him for granted like he will always be there. Like I have tomorrow to not be annoyed with him. Because I may not. One of us could die today. TODAY.
I don’t think that I am evil. I really don’t think that I am a bad wife. I think we all get into these ruts where we take the person we love the most for granted. Because they are there. They are there every. single. day.
So today-today I promise to God and my husband that I will do everything in my power to NOT be annoyed with him for no reason. To not pass him in the hall- like he is a stranger– on my way to a screaming child. To not wish he would just stop stealing the covers or snoring in my ear. Because one day- one day I won’t have any of that and I know that I will desperately long for it. Today, and for the rest of my days, I will try my hardest to act like it was the first day I met him AND that it is our last day together.
Because, for all we know, it just may be…
I love you Beau.